Where’s your Village?

Raising children is hard. We all know this. There’s no handbook to tell us exactly what we should do and when – because every child, every parent, every circumstance and every situation is different right? YES! There are no exact right and wrongs when it comes to this art and parents all over the world debate consistently on this view and that view – sometimes polar opposites but both claiming to be right within their own right. Then there are parents who, no matter how hard they try to instil positive values and beliefs within their children, are ignored and sometimes even pushed out of spite from their children’s oppositional behaviour. That coupled with social pressures, societal expectations, relentless media influence and social media – how do we stand a chance?

I believe it comes back to the village mentality. You know the old saying – it takes a village to raise a child. But my question is: where have all the villages gone? There was once a time when our parents knew our neighbours, actually we almost knew our entire street. People talked, people socialised, people actually cared about one another. Family was important. We would meet up with our extended family on regular occasions and be part of one another’s lives. Our parents spoke to the mums and dads at school and inserted themselves into the parental community of our soccer, swimming or football teams. They had social connections, we had great friends – and everyone looked out for each other.

Now in some instances, this still happens today. I believe it’s on a much smaller scale though and the frequency isn’t anyway near what it was back then. Why? Time! Busyness! Stress! Lack of sleep! All factors contributing to just doing the bear minimum ‘outside social stuff’ as possible – because there SO much we are already doing. And I totally get that. But – do you think this could be one of the main contributing factors to the difficulty we face with raising our children?

No matter what age your child is, they will be going through a stage of development that another parent has been through before or is going through right now. Think about when you first had your child. Wasn’t it amazing having people around you to lend a hand – to support you and offer advice if you needed it? To let you know that everything is going to be alright – because they too have lived through it and survived! The same goes for the transitions into kindy, toilet training, first day of prep, first day of high school, first love, first heartbreak, copious school work, stress from assignments, hormones, self esteem, transitioning into adulthood, increased responsibility – you name it, it is headed your way!

Again – raising children is difficult.

But it doesn’t have to be relentless. It doesn’t have to be undermining. And most of all – it doesn’t have to be lonely.

Some of us are blessed to have really good friends and family that we see often who we can lean on for support and advice. But the reality is, some of us (even though we might have these relationships) don’t get to actually see our loved ones anywhere near as much as we would like as they live too far away, or our lives are so busy that we simply run out of time! So apart from essentially making that important time to see the people that we love – which we all should do – what else can we bring into our lives on a continual basis to help create the village we so desperately need?

The answer lies in what your child is passionate about and what they do in their ‘after school’ time. For a lot of parents, socialising within those immediate before and after school hours is hard due to work commitments. So we sometimes miss that ‘school drop off and pick up’ boat. This is unfortunate – because having a community of parents that you know really well at your child’s school can be so very beneficial. But we know, in reality, this isn’t always doable. Therefore, let’s look to our child’s activities and what they love to do. This is where your child will find ‘their people’ and in more cases than not, you will find yours too! Most parents who pop their children into an activity, the same as you, will have similar values and beliefs when it comes to raising their child. Obviously certain parents will click more than others and that comes down to our personalities, likes and dislikes etc. But imagine having a group of parents, with children who all share in the same love, being able to work together to get life done and raise children with the help of one another.

Why do we think Mother’s groups are so super successful? Because parents bond with other parents who are going through the same thing! Some, even as their babies grow, stay in contact for a lifetime. This is where the magic lies. Connection, community, and companionship.

Banding together with parents who are actually part of your daily lives already, who have the same values and beliefs system as you and who want the best for their children, will help make this journey a supported one – with a lot of fun along the way. This is where our children make memories, we make lifetime friends and you know that someone always has your back.

So go and find your people, within your child’s people. Seek them out. Build these connections and support one another. Life with children can be tough, so don’t do it alone. When you have your community of parents where you can laugh, share, vent, explore, dream and know that they are looking out for you and your child – and that you too do the same – the village appears.

And we all need more of those.